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  • Will I ever learn?

    After putting on hold, changing it because at the time I thought it was ( and I still think) a brilliant idea, I have finally today pressed the confirm button. Ha well!!!!

    Sent from my iPhone

  • Alors???

    Ben alors, la nuit ne m'a pas vraiment porté conseil.

    Sent from my iPhone

  • ????

    Oh and I forget to tell you I didn't get that job, ah well there's always the next one.
    Feel a bit down, and alone at the moment. Need strength
    Sent from my iPhone

  • 10 pas en avant et 8 en arri

    I thought I was doing very well, I thought everything was behind me, I was wrong.... It is still very raw, rawer than I would have imagined.
    I was a like a little kid before Xmas, I had so much expectations of this weekend: I wanted to hear so many things, I wanted to put the world right, I wanted it to be romantic, passionate, lusty, fun, loving. I wanted it so badly to be our day/ night.... But I let myself down, I spoiled it really.......
    I didn't like a picture I saw on Friday, and instead of ignoring it, well I tried and tried, but couldn't. And as I was waiting to fall asleep, I wished I enjoyed the moment of happiness of seeing the man I love sleeping next to me. But instead I wondered why she sent me a message back in September with graphic details of their nights together. The messages are deleted, I thought nothing of it at the time, but 3 months on, it hits me and it hurts.

    As always, my timing was perfect.....not. Bloody set-back:-(

    We haven't spoken about what to do next together, whatever we decide, I hope we don't leave it too long.

    WILL GEt OVer It. (once I believe in me..... Whatever that involves)

    Sent from my iPhone

  • Bored

    J'ai attendu ce moment toute la journée: aller me coucher et dooooooormir. Je suis fatiguée en ce moment. Cette semaine me semble interminable.
    Me voilà donc au lit, au chaud sous la couette et je n'arrive pas à trouver le sommeil. Et pourtant, je suis si fatiguée.

    Alors, je me demande si je vais bientôt avoir une réponse à l'entretien que j'ai passé lundi. Ne me demander pas comment cela s'est passé car j'en ai pas la moindre idée. Je mettais préparer, j'espère que l'on me prendra pour une candidate sérieuse, après est-ce que j'ai le profile et la personnalité qu'ils recherchent.... C'est une autre histoire.
    En attendant, je continue de prospecter pour un autre boulot. Au plus tard, il faut que je trouve pour Septembre 2011, date à laquelle alexander rentre à l'école ( le système scolaire anglais est diffèrent du français, pas envie de l'expliquer maintenant)

    Sent from my iPhone

  • Un weekend d'achevé, bientôt un autre à s'impatienter

    Ce weekend, nous célébrons nos 10 ans. Il y a quelques mois, je n'aurais jamais cru voir ce jour. Il y a encore quelques semaines, je le sentais plutôt mal. Après le moment d'excitation, le moment de doute. Mais tout semble être enfin rentré dans l'ordre. J'ai retrouvé ma place dans cette relation. Alors on va célébrer le passé et surtout le futur. Cela aura pris du temps, mais ça en valait les peines, les larmes.

    Moi je le sais, à d'autres ( et je ne parle pas de Bf )de l'admettre, que cela leur plaise ou non.

    Sent from my iPhone

  • Welcome to my world

    Quand j'ai commencé ce blog, il y a bientôt 5 ans, c'était pour écrire en français et puis VLE et maintenant IFMERQEP sont devenus à la fois journal et défouloir.
    Vous avez sans doute remarquer que depuis peu les notes en anglais ou dans les 2 langues étaient plus fréquentes: c'est pour mes nouveaux lecteurs.

    Due to an increased of English speaking followers, I feel I need to write in English as well as French, it might not be as funny as google translate, or it might be.
    Welcome to my world, I have just recovered from a bit of bumpy ride, but all is well now. And normal (whatever that means ) will soon resum, so look forward to more rants, more ups, more downs, more silly things that are important to me and more exciting stories about the ton of manure that has just been delivered to my allotment ( yep I get excited by a ton of manure!!!!). Welcomexxx

  • Les bonnes nouvelles

    si si il y en a:

    la crise veut dire que les compagnies ne veulent pas payer pour le Noel de leurs employés, pour moi ça veut dire que j'ai un petit boulot un soir de décembre à prendre des photos. Je ne suis pas pro, je ne suis pas cher. Sympa comme expérience.  Have been asked to take picture at a corporate event in December, the compagny doesn't want to pay for a professional photographer, so here i come....looking forward to the experience (and the free night out)

    J'ai un entretien lundi (il faut que j'augmente mes heures, vraiment...plus le choix), je ne suis pas sure d'avoir l'expérience et de cocher toutes cases...mais bon c'est un pas en avant (et pourvu que mon avertissement ne me soit pas néfaste). Have an interview on Monday, not sure if I fit the bill, probably lacking experience, but hey it is a step forward. Must get more hours (not my choice unfortunatelly just need more money to live as supposed to survive some months). I hope my verbal warning I got not long ago doesn't work against me

    C'est officiel. Je ne prends plus mes citaloprams. Je suis guerrie. I'm off the tablets, great news isn't it? the post-natal depression and its relapses are behind me.

    Et une petite dernière parce que c'est de saison: j'ai décidé le menu de Noel, cette année ce sera Beef Wellington. And a last seasonal one: It is decided: Beef Wellington will be on the Xmas menu.

    bon et puis il y a les mauvaises nouvelles qui viennent avec les bonnes: le disque dur se meurt, je ne peux plus incorporer de photos :-(





  • une page est tournée

    je peux sincèrement le dire.

    When you know the man you love and adore had feeling for someone else, it takes some time to believe him when he tells you he no longer have feelings for the other woman. You want proof, reassurance and even when you get them... the paranoia kicks in and you can't help but imagine the worse.

    When I got a message from the other woman telling me I went too far, I got angry, then very upset. and kept telling myself how dare she to behave like that. When I confronted Bf about it, he can only take her side. And my paranoia kicked in even more, how can she be that involved in the decision I took to go away few days with the kids.

    But as the story unfolded she wasn't referring to that, she was referring to something quite nasty that had happened to her. someone has pretended to be me and texted her some abusive messages.


    Never in a million years i would have dreamed of writing what i am about to write: yesterday I said to BF to add her again as a contact in his phone, whatever happened is now in the past, true they have common interests and i would much prefer him replying to her texts in front of me instead of hiding. I must get rid of this paranoia for my own sanity. this is not me. It was a massive step for me (but still warn him that i didn't want any D or L words).  I want to move on and look at the future I can't do it with a black cloud  full of thoughts of my very fertile imagination above my head.

    The air is clear, we can breathe. sense of huge relieve that everything will be ok, that the future is bright.

    Things are still bugging me: I want to know who is the nasty person who pretended to be me. This weekend BF and me played the detectives and found it impossible to get a mobile number with just a name (tip if you know how please!!!) Who has such a  twisted mind to do such a thing, I wonder. Somewhere there is someone who pretend to be a friend and isn't. His or her actions could have caused lots of damages.

    The last few days, the adults have been taking lots of time out, as BF and me needed to talk things through, kids seemed to be fine and understand that we need "adult time, I had to hide my feeligs, my emotions and pretend that everything was great. Now i am so glad I don't have to do that. It is real, the five of 5, me and him....,.never been so content.





  • Tourbillon



    je suis sure d'une chose

    et si je pouvais le crier très fort, je le ferais

    j'ai la trouille

    mais je suis sure d'une chose

    et pour moi, c'est suffisant pour continuer....

  • Il y en a qui ont un sacré culot quand même

    I might have moved on, few things are still annoying me: being told what i should or shouldn't have done. ça m'énerve carrèment, mais bon j'ai pris la décision de ne rien dire.


    Edit 14/11/10: I have removed the picture and the caption because I feel it could lead to misinterpretation and we have had enough of those recently.

  • Don't ask where I have been

    on a stupid, never ending rollercoaster ride, I didn't even ask to go on. I hate rollercoasters, especially this one... my butterflies got shaken but hey... they have survived.....LET'S MOVE ON.IMG_3420.JPG

    Atmosphère claire, calme et sereine, propice à la réflexion